Unwinding
by WildMeiLing
Summary: Set in San Francisco, just after Mia's first Independence Day Ball. The princess is far too keyed up to even think about going to bed. The queen is having trouble thinking of anything else.


_I don't own the movies. I don't own the books. I've never been to Genovia. I'm doing this for fun._

 _Just a bit of silliness. But since the rumors of_ Princess Diaries 3 _have apparently been quashed, it's up to us. We all must do our part to populate the world with as many PD tales as possible. Long live the Queen!_

* * *

Tonight, the entire population of the consulate seemed to heave a collective sigh of relief. This year's Genovian Independence Day Ball, one sure to be talked about for a long time to come, was over. A handful of guests, including Mia's mother and close friends, had moved into the garden awhile ago; everyone else was gone. The staff was eager to get off the emotional roller coaster that had been the evening - the last several weeks, really - and went about their various chores quickly to clean up and secure the premises.

Jared relished the new and blessed calm as much as everyone else. Leaning against the doorway at the end of the hall that led to the queen's private chambers, he settled in for what he hoped would be a quiet night of guard duty.

Some time after midnight, the news came through his earpiece that the last of the partygoers were finally being escorted to the exit. Princess Amelia would be retiring to the guest suite.

Jared watched the princess, somehow elegant and effervescent at the same time, as she twirled into view. Her gown shimmered as it flowed around her. The triumphant evening had set her aglow, and as she turned toward him, he couldn't resist returning the wide smile that lit up her face. She was lovely and happy and vibrant and…and coming this way. Oh, shit. Why was she coming this way? Please, God, let her be lost and about to ask for directions.

"Hello," she sang as she waltzed past him.

What was he supposed to do? His training had prepared him for going up against people with violent agendas. He could stop an assassin. He knew how to deal with rowdy protestors. How in the hell was he supposed to take down a princess?

He automatically reached out to stop her before drawing his arm back quickly - he couldn't touch the princess! He tried stopping her with words. "Excuse me, Your Highness, is there something I can help you with?"

She spun around and only slowed her gait. Now he was afraid of where she was going _and_ , God forgive him, worried about her ability to remain upright and untangled in the hem of her dress as she walked backward down the hall. "Thanks, but I'm just going to stop in to see my grandma."

He took a few quick steps toward her as she turned back around. "It's awfully late, Princess. No doubt Her Majesty has already retired for the evening. Perhaps the morning would be better -"

"Don't worry, I won't keep her up too late," she replied, flashing a winning smile over her shoulder.

"Yes, but she does value her quiet time, and has asked that she not be disturbed..." His protest faltered as it fell on deaf ears.

The princess, blissfully unaware of the guard's heart palpitations and the fact that she was the reason for them, stopped outside the queen's suite and knocked on the door.

He anxiously waited two whole seconds before he tried again. "It would seem she is not awake, Your Highness."

He gulped as she pressed her ear to the door. "Grandma?" she called through the solid wood. Before he could say another word, he watched her try the handle. At least, he was certain, the door would be locked.

Oh Lord, the door was unlocked. Surely she wouldn't -

No, she did. She cast one more smile his way before she poked her head around the door, then pushed all the way inside.

Jared wondered if he would be fired before his lunch break, or if Joe would let him sweat it out until the end of his shift.

* * *

"Grandma?" Mia's eyes adjusted to the dimly lit interior of the queen's sitting room. She half-expected to see her curled up on the couch with her needlepoint or maybe a book. She didn't know what her prim and proper grandmother did to unwind after a night as crazy as this one had been, but surely she wouldn't be able to sleep already. Looking over the back of the couch, she could see an open bottle of champagne on the coffee table. It was out of place in a room inhabited by a person who only ever seemed to drink tea.

She looked to see if the bedroom was dark as well. The door was closed, but she could just make out a line of light showing beneath it. She was across the room and reaching for the door when it suddenly flew open. Startled, Mia's hand flew to her heart as she backed into the sitting room. "Grandma! You scared me!"

Clarisse slipped out and closed the door quickly. Her satin robe was already securely tied at the waist, but she self-consciously pulled the edges of it together up by her neck. "Amelia, I wasn't expecting you." Mia noticed Clarisse's eyes dart past her, lingering for a moment on something near the couch. Then she reined in her gaze and brought it back to her granddaughter.

If Mia didn't know any better, she would have thought her grandmother was flustered or nervous, but she was certain Clarisse wasn't capable of being either of those things. Maybe she had been asleep after all. "Did I wake you, Grandma? Should I go? Jared said -"

"No, no, of course not. I was…just in the powder room. Let's, um -" Clarisse took the girl's arm, firmly but gently, and guided her over to the couch.

Mia was still unsettled by the older woman's strange lack of composure. "Are you sure?" she asked as they sat down. "It _has_ been a long day. You're probably tired." She searched Clarisse's face for some clue, but made no move to get up.

"I am actually not tired. At all. I am…quite awake, I assure you." Mia seemed to notice nothing odd about Clarisse's stilted and emphatic response, but rather took comfort in the knowledge that she was not intruding. "Besides, I will always have time for you, dear." She smiled kindly at Mia and placed a hand on her knee. Such small gestures, but Mia had come to realize they were tokens of a great, unspoken affection when they came from Clarisse, and they warmed her very soul.

And opened the floodgates.

"Oh Grandma, I'm staying over tonight so I know I'll see you first thing in the morning, but I just couldn't go to bed without seeing you one more time I had to tell you how happy I am about EVERYTHING I never knew I could be so happy or so sure about anything This is the best evening of my LIFE and it's all because you never gave up on me Well that and the letter from my dad But I mean just knowing you were going to love me no matter WHAT And here everything you've committed your WHOLE LIFE to could have been lost to those nasty von Trokens OH! You know I saw them tonight and I can't tell you how GLAD I am they won't be taking over the ruling of Genovia And I know I have LOTS to learn but I promise you will never regret coming to find me and I will work SO hard to make sure those creeps never come NEAR the throne…"

Clarisse sat in wide-eyed amazement, doing her best to follow the thread of conversation and nod at all the right places, even as her own thoughts strayed in another direction. Somewhere in all the excited rambling, Clarisse picked up on something that reminded her to ask what Mia had meant about Philippe helping her to decide, but before she could get a word in edgewise, the girl was off again. She was still marveling at her granddaughter's speed and agility - yes, _agility_ was a good word to describe her; well, to describe her verbal skills anyway; not so much her physical prowess, bless her - when she realized the deluge had come to an abrupt halt.

"Come again?" she asked, a bit dazed.

"I said you drank a lot of champagne. I didn't know you drank champagne, Grandma. Hey, there are two glasses."

"What? Oh, yes. Well, Joseph was here earlier and…" She trailed off. Even on a night of celebration like this, it was not appropriate for the queen and her head of security to be tucked away in her private chamber and toasting, among other things, the future of Genovia. Clarisse decided to let it go and hoped Amelia's utter lack of propriety when it came to personal boundaries would be useful at that moment.

She was right. Amelia didn't give it a second thought. "Oh, I am so glad. I won't lie, Grandma, I was going to run away but I DIDN'T and if it hadn't been for Joe I shudder to think how the evening would have turned out. He showed up out of nowhere, charging through the rain and up the hill - YOU know that hill, Grandma - like a knight in shining armor I don't know how he found me It was a MIRACLE and he stepped out of the limo like it was no big deal! 'Yeah, I'm Joe and I'm just here to give you a hand 'cause that's what I do.'"

"Yes, Joseph is very good with his hands - er! I mean, at lending a hand. He's very good at…that." Clarisse's muddled response was lost in another rush of words coming from Mia.

"In so many ways, he really did save the night I mean he found me and he saved ME and then he got me here just in time when you were about to make the announcement that I was renouncing my claim to the throne so he saved YOU and then we were suddenly both there and everything was okay so it's like he really saved GENOVIA." Mia paused to take a breath. "Seriously, Grandma, you should give him a raise."

"Oh, I plan to," she said, with an involuntary glance toward the bedroom door.

Mia switched gears again. "So, everything is alright then? Between you and Joe? I had no idea how much trouble I was making for you when I suggested we ditch the limo and take my baby out Then again I guess I should have known seeing how my plans usually work But the thought of spending a normal afternoon with you was just SO great and you seemed excited about it too But then when we pulled up and I saw the look on Joe's face when we got out of a POLICE CAR and I was afraid he was going to com-PLETELY go off on you and you would have to fire him or arrest him for treason and you would never be friends again…"

A melee of varying emotions triggered by the mention of that tumultuous afternoon left Clarisse a beat behind, and it took her a moment to find her footing in the conversation. "Amelia, you mustn't blame yourself for what happened. I take full responsibility for making the final decision to slip past - I mean, to forgo our usual security detail at the last minute."

"But Joe seemed happy tonight and you even danced together and I'm sure you didn't have to so if you were dancing you're probably alright?"

Clarisse looked into the girl's big, expressive eyes and felt herself melt a little. "We're fine."

"Really? You talked about it and set things right?"

"Really. We…worked through it, you could say." Mia was so relieved she didn't notice her grandmother fidgeting uncomfortably.

"That's so great. You know, Grandma, Joe is pretty dreamy, huh? I mean, I probably shouldn't say that because he works for you and all, and he could be my grandfather -"

"Grandfather?" Clarisse interrupted sharply before her tone switched to a soft musing. "Do you really think…?" A wistful smile turned up the corners of Clarisse's lips. "Hmm." Another odd expression on her grandmother's face as she seemed to drift far away from their conversation, leading Mia to believe she was more tired than she let on.

Suddenly, Mia surprised them both by breaking out into a humongous yawn. Her shoulders slumped and her energy visibly ebbed, as though someone had thrown a switch. "Oh my. I think I'm tired, Grandma."

Clarisse, all her attention back on Mia, smiled softly as she reached up to brush some wayward tendrils of hair from her forehead. "Of course, you are, my dear. Such a big day. You need your rest."

"I think I do." She leaned back onto the couch and sighed contentedly.

Clarisse stood up and walked to her desk. "I'll call Olivia to see if she can help you out of that dress and heaven only knows how many hair pins." She picked up the receiver, then set it down again. More to herself, she said, "Then again, it is rather late. She's probably asleep. No sense in disturbing her. Come along, Amelia," she said as she turned. "I'm more than capable of helping you -"

She stopped short at the sight of Genovia's young princess - tiara slipping, eyes fluttering closed, the skirt of her ball gown puffed up like a parachute around her.

"Amelia?"

Mia gave her a groggy smile. She still seemed responsive, and her eyes were half-open, but Clarisse knew she was as good as snoring. By the time she crossed back over to the couch, Mia had zonked.

Clarisse sat next to her and stared for a minute. Very carefully, she disentangled the tiara and set it on the coffee table, then leaned sideways against the back cushions to study her son's daughter.

"Just like your father," she murmured, stroking her cheek with the back of her hand. "From the time he was a baby. He would go and go and go, and then -" She motioned toward the sleeping form of her only grandchild. "You know," she reminisced with a light laugh, "I was so worried about how he would just stop that I called the doctor. He watched Philippe run around the room like a whirling dervish, chanting songs at the top of his lungs, and said, 'Is he always like this?' 'Oh yes,' I told him. He nodded his head and replied, 'If I did that all day, I would pass out, too.'" She stared a little more, seeing the present overlaid with the past. Snapping out of it, she straightened up and sighed. "Of course, he never fell asleep wearing a very expensive, custom-made, hand-embroidered ball gown that probably weighed as much as he did. I doubt there's any waking you though."

Somewhat at a loss, she stood up and made her way back to her bedroom. She pushed the door open to see Joseph sitting on the bed, fully clothed and tugging on his shoes.

"You're dressed?"

"I am."

"Why?"

"Because I cannot fire someone naked."

"Who are you going to fire?"

"Jared."

Clarisse couldn't help but chuckle. "Because he let Amelia get past him."

"Exactly."

"Do you think _you_ could have waylaid her?"

"Absolutely." He stood up from the bed and walked over to Clarisse. He pulled at the sash on her robe, loosening the knot so the garment fell open to reveal a beautiful gown underneath, a delicate concoction of satin and Genovian lace. He slid his arms under the robe and around her waist, drew her to him, and nuzzled her neck. "Then again, perhaps I have the right incentive."

"Oh, Joseph," she moaned softly, wrapping her arms around his neck and making him forget all about his ill-fated night watchman. "Mmm, we can't do this."

He pulled back from her, certain he hadn't heard her correctly. "What do you mean?"

She smiled apologetically. "I doubt we would have to worry about her waking up any time soon, but on the off-chance she does, you know how she is rarely deterred by closed doors."

He stared for a moment, perplexed. "Who -? You mean, the princess?" Clarisse nodded. "But she left."

"What makes you say that?"

"It's completely silent out there."

Clarisse stifled a laugh. "Let me show you."

She led him back into the sitting room. Side by side, they stood by the couch and looked down at the sleeping, silent Mia.

"You have got to be kidding me," Joseph uttered in disbelief. "Damn kids. I thought they stopped being romance killers once they started to grow up." He looked at Clarisse for confirmation.

"A myth. Children at any age have very bad timing in general." There was a pause. "You should know. After all, Philippe was thirty-six."

"Ah yes," Joseph said, his eyes back on Mia, but his focus far off. "Thirty-six years old, capable of ruling an entire country, and still hadn't learned to knock."

"I don't know. I think that evening might have finally done it." She pursed her lips. "Of course, one might also take these moments as reminders to lock doors," she ventured delicately.

Joseph glanced at the door before letting his eyes sweep suggestively up and down Clarisse's nightgown-clad body. "I was distracted." A lifted eyebrow told him she found his defense weak. He sighed as he changed the subject. "It pains me to say it, but while I doubt I can carry her all the way to her own room, I can get her to yours."

The starry-eyed look she gave him did assuage his wounded demeanor slightly. "You are wonderful."

"Well," he said, sniffing theatrically, "I did single-handedly save an entire country tonight."

There was no trace of humor in Her Majesty's response. "Yes, you did."

He gave her a wistful look. "I was told my success was to be cause for one hell of a private celebration."

"It still will be." She bit her lip uncertainly. "It's just been…postponed."

"Promise?"

She drew her index finger in an X across her heart. He smiled.

"Alright, I'll take that."

She smiled widely, then leaned over to kiss him.

He closed his eyes as he savored the moment. "Mmm, I like that even better."

"I love you, Joseph."

He opened his eyes. "You certainly should. I am one in a million."

"Yes," she chuckled. "You are definitely that."

"Some might even say dreamy."

"Just get on with it."

He scooped the unconscious princess up in his arms. Clarisse snatched up the champagne and glasses just before the hem of the ball gown swooped over the table top. She moved out of the way to let Joseph pass, then followed him as he moved toward the bedroom. She stopped in the doorway as he set Mia on the bed. He stood back to look at her with affection, then after a moment's hesitation, he leaned over her to stroke her forehead once. "Sweet dreams, princess," he whispered.

Clarisse's heart swelled with happiness as she watched the tender scene play out. Then she couldn't help but laugh softly. "This one's going to keep us on our toes."

He flashed her a crooked smile. "Look at this way: we'll never be bored."

Clarisse rolled her eyes. "Never," she agreed with feeling.

Joseph crossed back to the doorway and they left the room, closing the door gently behind them.

"Are you going to fire Jared now?" she asked, her eyes twinkling.

"I suppose not. She is something of a royal juggernaut. I may have to adjust training so the security staff can handle her." He looked over to the glasses and the unfinished bottle of champagne, which Clarisse had set back on the table, then as his eyes gleamed suggestively, he took her into his arms. "How about we finish what we started?"

"Only if you're referring to the champagne."

His eyes grew wide and innocent. "Of course. And while we're at it, perhaps we can talk about that raise you're going to give me."

The End

* * *

 _Did you laugh? It was supposed to be funny, so I hope it made you laugh._


End file.
